I think we should begin at the beginning though. I'm thirty-five years old and the Scotsman and I have been married three years now. Our sweet little Jillian, the Leo, finally made her appearance in our lives two weeks late (ten hours of labor, two hours of pushing and a C-section) in 1987! The year we were married.
Jillian had the distinct honor and good fortune of literally being the only child. Not just because she was our first and obviously only child but she was the first child born into our extended family and group of friends for a very long time. Jillian's cousins in my family were all in high school and beyond. Gordon was an only child so there were no grandchildren in Scotland. Our friends either had raised their children or had elected not to have children or just hadn't gotten around to it yet. So Jillian was a lovely novelty.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THAT 80'S HAIR! BUT JILLIAN'S HAIR IS CUTE!
Jillie, as she quickly came to be called, had a huge, as Elton John would say, "Pirate Smile" and she showed it proudly to anyone who looked at her This pretty much endeared her to everyone she met. And she wasn't shy. Being the Leo she was she soon positioned herself in the middle of everyone and everything demanding attention and entertaining anyone with a little time to watch. She was an early riser and quickly put an end to lying in bed and watching reruns of I Love Lucy at 10:00a.m! When she would wake I would go and get her and bring her to our bed to nurse hoping she would just quietly go back to sleep so Gordon and I could rest a little longer. That rarely worked and soon Gordon and Jillie would have a pile of books and toys on the bed while I was downstairs preparing breakfast to bring up to us all. (To this day she still likes to get into bed with us in the morning and have her coffee and breakfast!)
She was an easy baby and we took her everywhere. She ate in the finest restaurants in San Francisco. North Beach restauranteurs loved her and would place HUGE strawberries on her high chair tray. And, of course, the pirate would smile at the bounty and her "captive" audience!
Jillian was easy on airplanes - children who nurse and have two parents in attendance are pretty easy to take care of. At least she was. She was so content looking at books and being read to. We took her back east to meet her Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and cousins.
JILLIAN WITH GREAT AUNT SIS ON HER FIRST VISIT TO VIRGINIA
She went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina with us for a family beach vacation. We took her down to Disneyland and Laguna Beach and we were always off on the weekend in the car going to the city or Monterey to the Aquarium or up to the wine country with friends for a picnic. We went camping and hiking and swimming - all the normal things you do with children and she was always happy and content sleeping in the car, riding in a back-pack and playing quietly with books or toys or entertaining anyone who would watch.
When Jillie was about eight months old I was offered a non-commissioned job working for Callahan Property Company, a local commercial management and construction company. I thought it would be a good opportunity to learn about sales and management of commercial property and expand my real estate knowledge. I was hired by and worked directly for the President, Joe Callahan, in all aspects of new commercial development. I loved my job and I could still use my broker's license, however, one the best things about the job was that I was salaried and had wonderful full family benefits. A big plus in any family's financial column! I also received very generous annual bonuses. Gordon had developed into an accomplished realtor working for commission only so this change in our lives was welcome.
Two years in to my new career Gordon announces that he thinks it would be nice to have another child. Hmmmmmmm. Things are going great! We bought a new home just before Jillian's first birthday - a one-story house on a big lot in a wonderful neighborhood. I've got a great job and Gordon's business is doing well. We're able to set aside some money for retirement. Two paid-for cars. Taking nice vacations. Why would we mess with this?
This request became a noise in my head; rolling around in my brain and waking me up at night. It took about two months for him to convince me we could do this. We would find a nice, loving Au pair or a good daycare situation. Jillian was in daycare and preschool currently and it was working out well. Okay, let's do it.
I was pregnant within two weeks!
When I was pregnant with Jillian Gordon went to every doctor appointment with me. When the doctor first established a "date" for Jillian's birth he thought the fetus felt bigger than the date suggested and wanted to do an ultrasound just to find out if he was accurate. Being new-be's at the pregnancy thing, we asked the doctor why he thought "IT" would feel bigger? He said perhaps it was twins! I don't know who was paler, Gordon or I. We promptly informed the doctor that twins did not run in either of our families so it couldn't be that. He replied...."they've gotta start somewhere"! At the scheduled ultrasound procedure Gordon and I sat and watched the floating dot with the heartbeat of the alien inside me and the doctor confirmed the date. We were relieved to know that it was just one baby. Just one big baby.
When it was time for my first doctor appointment with my second pregnancy Gordon went with me and he and I sat through the initial exam and I swear, listened to the same analysis. Here's the date for birth and your baby feels bigger than that date. "I want to do an ultrasound". Okey-dokey, let's set the date.
On the day of my ultrasound with the second baby, being an old hand at this child-birthing and rearing thing, Gordon decided that since he had an appointment that day he'd skip the ultrasound and see me later. And I began to take-in the necessary fluids one must drink before having an ultrasound which is pretty much any fluid to fill your bladder to bursting and sit in a waiting room and hold it in! Very uncomfortable.
When it was my turn I hopped on the table, felt the warm goo being spread on my abdomen and the pressure of the ultrasound paddle on my full-to-bursting bladder and within a few seconds I was staring at the floating dot with the heartbeat of the little being inside me. But wait.....what is that? "What is that?", I asked. "That? That is another baby", the doctor replied. DOH! Just then a nurse knocks on the door and tells the doctor that the call he's been waiting for all morning has finally come. He begins to excuse himself from the room and I begin to laugh/cry hysterically! He suggests to the nurse that she might want to stay with me!
When the doctor returned he said he wanted to finish the exam. Are you kidding? I'm done. He suggests that we might want to see if there are any more babies in there. Are you kidding? I don't want to know. All I can think of is my full-to-bursting bladder and how am I going to tell my husband before I strangle him! After all, it's his fault. After I regain my composure and before I leave the office the doctor handed me three black and white ultrasound photos. One is labeled, Twin A, another is labeled, Twin B and the third is a beautiful photograph showing two floating dots labeled, Twin A and B! Thank you so much. I'll see ya soon! I went home to find the Scotsman.
The Scotsman's not at home! Now I need to go back to work but I'm standing in the house holding these three photos and this information in my head and I need to tell someone. My husband is not at the office and at this point we do not have cell phones; my sister doesn't answer her phone; my best friend doesn't answer her phone. I'm not going back to the office and tell my co-workers until my husband knows so I sit and wait laughing sporadically but freaking out mostly. How are we going to do this? How can we afford to put three kids in daycare? How do we save for college and still maintain the lifestyle we've become accustomed to? And the really burning question going through my mind - okay I know it's selfish - what the hell is going to happen to my body? I'm no spring chicken. Thirty-five is late to be pregnant and I'll be thirty-six when I deliver. Crap, Gordon where are you?
In he walks. So innocent. He has no idea that his last few minutes of normalcy are about to disintegrate. Everything he's known about our life together is going to change right now. Life as we know it is over. "How'd the ultrasound go?", he asks. "Oh great", I say, "I have some pictures for you." He doesn't notice the writing at the bottom as he's looking quickly at the first two uninteresting black and white dots. At the third photo the recognition kicks in. Remember when he went pale at my very first pre-natal appointment? You should see him now. I'm feeling a little satisfaction! Guess what he did? He called his Mum to let her know she was going to be the Grandmother of twins! And he hugged and kissed me and reassured me that everything would be okay. And we smiled and giggled.
THE INFAMOUS A & B PHOTO. THE GIRLS ARE THE TWO SHADOWS IN THE UPPER LEFT BUBBLE.
My first pregnancy went smooth as silk. No morning sickness, wore my regular clothes easily through the first trimester and into the second, glowing skin, fabulous hair, my many pair of high heels still fit, etc. I was full of energy and stuffing my face full of watermelon! Didn't have great luck with the birthing process as she was a c-section but the doctor assured me the twins would be small and I could probably have a vaginal birth. I admit, a vaginal birth was something I had hoped to experience.
With the twins I was sick-as-a-dog and could sleep at the drop of a hat. By the third week I was in maternity clothes. My size six high heels were now eights and felt like vices gripping my feet. And the minute I ate anything I felt full as there was no room for food in there.....just babies. I had to pee constantly and one of them insisted on standing on my bladder.
If you were inside my body and facing forward imagine the babies standing up under your ribcage one left and the other on the right. Not stacked one on top of the other front and back but side-by-side. Like you're all walking along, you slightly behind, headed in the same direction. Alison lay on the left and Natalie lay on the right. Natty was the one standing on my bladder I later learned. Because of the total consumption of space on the interior of my body I couldn't lay on my back. The doctor wanted me to lay on my left side because there's apparently some artery or tube that feeds your kidney and the pressure from the babies would block said tube causing the organ to shut down. I have first hand experience with this and now know to lay on my left side.
I start pre-term labor at just over five months. You know that wonderful job I love? Bye bye. Now I'm retired woman staying off my feet and monitoring my contractions twice a day with this strap that I have to wrap around my ever-expanding belly. I have to lay there monitoring these contractions for a period of time and then with a special phone "call in" a report from the little recording instrument attached to the strap. Then I speak to a nurse and she tells me how well I'm doing. I want to tell her to go jump off a cliff. And more than once I heave the strap with recording device across the room and smash it into the wall. I'm also taking pills to help prevent pre-term labor. I'm uncomfortable. I'm constipated! When I'm in public and people glance at me I say, "what the hell are you looking at?"! AND I've got at least another three months to go!
Jillian has now decided that she doesn't want to go to pre-school anymore because she has a stay-at-home mommy. A three year old can't understand these things; Mommy's tired. Mommy's swollen and can't fit in to any of her cute shoes. Rings don't fit. Mommy's husband hates her wardrobe. Mommy doesn't feel like reading another book. Mommy's pissed and Mommy wants the babies out! Mommy has to pee again. I decide I don't make a very good pregnant person and conspire to deliver early.
I begin to ask the doctor how soon babies can thrive outside of the womb. He assures me I'd rather have them in. I secretly hate him. I am now going to the doctor on a weekly basis and am having steroid injections into my ass - first the left cheek, next week the right cheek. It's refrigerated and is cold and has to be administered slowly. "Which cheek this week Mrs. Corsie?" Skinny bitch.
Are you sensing a personality change?
Eventually I am now safely far enough along that I could conceivably deliver. Thanks in part to the steroid injections, the babies would survive. They are healthy and their lungs have developed enough to breath on their own. I know this because the doctor has ordered up an amniocentesis. For those of you unfamiliar, let me explain. You fill your bladder with as much fluid as possible. There's not a lot of room left for your bladder so this happens quickly. You go to your doctors' office and lay on a table. Warm goo will be spread on your abdomen and the ultrasound begins. Then the doctor will appear with a needle that's about a foot long. Attached to the needle is a tube about an inch in diameter and about eight inches long. He will stick the needle through your abdomen and into the amniotic sac and extract a tiny amount of fluid from the sac. Enter second needle and the process is repeated with the second baby. All the while you get to stare at the tiny tv monitor and watch a needle going through your stomach headed for the precious cargo that have now consumed your life. Oh, and hope you don't pass out or vomit.
Gordon's color is now a kind of grayish/green and I think he's wishing he had missed this appointment. He is now being invited to wait in the waiting room so he doesn't pass out or spew on the floor. A nurse grabs him under his arm and escorts him out. "What?......are you kidding me?" Thanks for that buddy. Way to support. The new me secretly hates him too and wishes men had to have the babies! But not really especially since the earth would be uninhabited.
So now I'm only three weeks away from the actual birth date and nothing has happened. I've been off all drugs and monitoring for a couple of weeks. The babies are now full grown and ready to go to college....at least it feels that way. I consult my step-mother, Betty, on the best way to cause birth to happen right now. I don't know why I think she's an expert but she's smart and I'm desperate. "What the heck? You want me to do what?" She has advised me to have sex. To put something in where something is trying to get out. It's not appealing and I'm not feeling particularly "in the mood" but okay I'm willing to try. I just have to convince my husband! Also, according to her," a tablespoon of castor oil will do the trick." It taste like sewer scum and has the consistency of motor oil so perhaps an orange juice chaser is also a good idea.
I called the doctor at about 3:00 a.m. that morning to let him know I was in labor. I was THE NOISE IN HIS HEAD that night!
LATER THAT SAME DAY - ALISON ON THE LEFT AND NATALIE ON THE RIGHT.
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